All hail to our masters and protectors

Our wonderful government overlords have discovered that porn is as dangerous as heroin (and therefore, porn should be banned, like heroin). Right now though, they'll settle for studying porn addiction with lots of juicy federal grants.

I wholeheartedly support their efforts. There are a couple of other addictions that should be looked into. One is obvious: sex. Sex causes the exact same chemicals to be released into the brain, as porn. Sex is therefore, as dangerous as heroin, and should be banned accordingly.

Another addiction is what we euphemistically call "news". "News" causes chemicals to be released into the brain that could alter a person's mood and make them excited or angry. Many people watch the "news" for hours on end, or read it on the internet. This addiction must also be banned, since it causes a chemical reaction in the brain that makes people want it. I await the approval of our fascist government overlords.